Dealing with difficult attorneys requires understanding that their stress often manifests as harsh criticism toward paralegals. Build resilience by not taking attacks personally, learning to anticipate attorney needs, staying calm during outbursts, and ultimately deciding whether to adapt to the challenging environment or seek a less stressful practice area.
Long hours, tight deadlines, and demanding clients can push even the calmest, most composed paralegal to the edge. And then there are the attorneys to deal with.
You’re confident that you’re on top of your game. Client files are organized, your legal research is always on-point, you’re great with clients, and your documents are prepared on time, every time. So why is it that in one conversation or email, an attorney can crush your confidence and leave you running for the bathroom for a good cry?
Here’s what experienced paralegals have found: The same qualities that make attorneys excellent at their jobs often make them difficult—sometimes incorrigible—bosses. But understanding why they behave this way, and learning practical strategies to manage these relationships, can help you build resilience and decide whether to stay or seek a better work environment.
Why Attorneys Are Difficult to Work With
At times, the stressful nature of law practice can be a pressure cooker. Attorneys work long hours, weekends, and evenings as they try to meet impossibly tight deadlines and placate demanding clients who harass them around the clock. Winning a case is everything for an attorney—their reputation, and often their livelihood, is on the line, and it takes its toll.
While your duties revolve around helping your boss handle everything required to come out victorious in each case, at the end of the day, you get to go home and turn it all off. As business owners, attorneys don’t always have that luxury. It’s their law license on the line with every document you file, and their reputation at stake if you make a mistake.
In smaller law offices, attorneys also handle everything required of a small-business owner, from payroll to renewing the office lease. The weight of these responsibilities and the cumulative effect of a thousand loose ends send blood pressure through the roof and add to the chaos.
While it may seem like your boss is targeting you, in reality, it’s usually just the stress of a particular situation causing the blow-up or breakdown in communication. And unfortunately, paralegals often receive the brunt of it for no other reason than they’re the only ones in the office that attorneys can erupt on without consequences. It would be bad form to let negativity leak out in front of a client or for a senior partner to catch flak. So you’re the one in the line of fire.
The attorney you’re working under may be feeling the same pressure from higher-ups, dealing with a judge who seems to have it out for them, or managing a big-ego client making their life miserable. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, paralegals work in demanding environments, especially when handling multiple cases with tight deadlines. If you work in a busy law firm, stress is simply going to be part of the culture, and you’ll learn that sometimes you have to deal with the occasional dressing down.
Before you start beating yourself up or looking for the nearest exit, consider whether the attorney is lashing out at you—or just lashing out at the situation. To make it as a paralegal, you have to let harsh criticism roll off your back—those who can’t don’t typically last long in a law office.
Angela (name changed for privacy), a paralegal who worked for a Pittsburgh-based firm for more than a decade, reiterated this sentiment:
“Even when it might seem like an attorney is attacking you, don’t take it personally! And don’t take it home with you! Don’t dream about it, don’t think about it! When I left work, my day stayed at work, and I might not turn it back on until I was heading back to the office.”
Common Challenging Attorney Behaviors
Understanding specific patterns of problematic behavior can help you recognize what you’re dealing with and respond more effectively. Here are the most common challenging situations paralegals face:
The Mind Reader Expectation
There are certain situations in which any answer feels like the wrong answer. You’ll get plenty of “Didn’t you know I needed [fill in the blank]?” or “Why didn’t you handle [fill in the blank]?” Forget the fact that you were never told to handle it, never handled it before, or wouldn’t have any idea how to handle it.
One paralegal shared that her boss told her she was free to leave early one evening, only to call an hour later, screaming that she needed to get a client’s signature on a contract. Was this task assigned to her? No. Could she have possibly predicted her boss would need this? No. She knew this outburst was likely because he was frustrated at having forgotten to assign her this task in the first place—a task that was now overdue.
At time,s it may seem like you’re expected to be much more than a paralegal—a mind reader is more like it. While it’s impossible to predict your boss’s thoughts, your ability to anticipate what your boss needs will improve over time.
The Perfectionist Taskmaster
You may work for an attorney who expects nothing but the best from himself and his paralegals. This type of attorney will expect you to complete your tasks exactly as he would. In this case, it’s in your best interest to match his approach to show you respect his work style and commitment to excellence.
The Explosive Personality
You may also work for an attorney with an explosive temper. This type of attorney can be a drain, bringing you down when she’s having a bad day. When things get particularly heavy, she will lash out—and you’ll be her main target. In this case, it’s often best to let her explode, listen to her vent, and pay close attention since there are likely important points to pick up even when getting a tongue-lashing.
However, don’t rise to her level of anxiety. Remain calm, answer in a calm, quieter voice, and make sure she knows you’re there to help.
Proven Strategies for Managing Difficult Attorneys
According to Angela, who worked with five different attorneys simultaneously in litigation, “My paralegal job required working for five different attorneys at one time. I quickly learned to adjust to their individual needs and idiosyncrasies. I knew how they liked their binders, how they preferred their documents. I quickly learned how to switch things up to make each attorney happy.”
Get Information to Anticipate Needs
Get as much information as possible so you understand a particular situation and can better predict what the attorney may need. Try to understand how the attorney thinks, anticipate potential issues, get out in front of them, and position yourself one step ahead.
Some paralegals get very good at understanding their boss’s mood and stress level based on the timeline of the cases they’re working on. Filing motions isn’t as stressful as preparing for closing arguments in a close-fought trial, for example. These paralegals learn to head it off at the pass and become skilled at anticipating what they need to do to mitigate that stress.
Maintain Control of Your Emotions
The best thing you can do in a difficult situation with an attorney is rto emain calm and in control. An attorney may be able to control many things, including your workload, but he can’t control your emotions or how you react to a situation.
Accepting that your relationship with an attorney is professional, not personal, also helps manage expectations. As Angela said, “It’s not like you’re besties with your attorney!”
Angela described working with female partners, including one who wasn’t exactly disrespectful but aloof:
“She never asked too many personal questions. She cut herself off because she had work to do. She expected me to get the work done and she wanted it done perfectly because her name was on it. She wanted it to be of the highest standard.”
Angela accepted this relationship and never expected her boss to care about her kids’ colds or weekend plans. She also found that women partners were often more challenging to work with than men, surmising that female attorneys usually felt they needed to prove themselves in a male-dominated field.
Understand Your Attorney’s Type
There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to handling attorneys who are unreasonable, impatient, or downright nasty. But if you get a sense of who you’re dealing with, you can often de-escalate or even avoid uncomfortable exchanges with your boss altogether.
If you work for a perfectionist, make an effort to match his approach to show you respect his work style. If you work for someone with an explosive temper, let her explode, listen carefully, but don’t rise to her level of anxiety. Stay calm and make it clear you’re there to help.
Communication Techniques and De-Escalation Scripts
Having specific phrases ready can help you respond professionally when tensions run high. Here are practical communication scripts for everyday difficult situations:
| Situation | What NOT to Say | What TO Say |
|---|---|---|
| Attorney criticizes your work harshly | “That’s not fair!” or “You never told me that!” | “I understand this needs to be corrected. Can you clarify exactly what you need so I can fix it right away?” |
| Attorney expects you to know something you weren’t told | “How was I supposed to know that?” | “I want to make sure I handle this correctly. Can you walk me through what you need?” |
| Attorney is having an outburst | Defending yourself or arguing back | Let them vent, then: “I hear that this is urgent. Let me help you solve this problem.” |
| Attorney blames you for their mistake | “That’s not my fault!” | “Let’s figure out what happened so we can prevent it next time. What do you need from me right now?” |
| Attorney gives vague instructions | Assuming what they want | “Just to confirm I understand correctly: you need [specific task] by [specific time]. Is that right?” |
Key De-Escalation Principles
When tensions rise, remember these core strategies recommended by workplace communication experts:
- Lower your voice – Speaking more quietly often causes the other person to lower their voice too
- Use “I” statements – “I want to make sure I understand” rather than “You didn’t tell me”
- Focus on solutions – Immediately pivot to “How can I help fix this?”
- Validate their stress – “I know this case is critical,” acknowledges their pressure without taking blame
- Document everything – Keep notes on assignments, deadlines, and instructions to protect yourself
Is Your Workplace Toxic? A Self-Assessment
Not all challenging attorney behavior is acceptable. There’s a difference between the everyday stress of a busy law practice and a genuinely toxic work environment. Use this comparison to assess your situation:
| Normal Stress (Manageable) | Toxic Environment (Consider Leaving) |
|---|---|
| Attorney is short-tempered during trial weeks but apologizes later | Attorney regularly screams, insults you personally, or uses profanity directed at you |
| High expectations and criticism of work quality | Attacks on your character, intelligence, or worth as a person |
| Occasional last-minute requests or changed priorities | Constant chaos with no systems, making your job impossible to do well |
| Busy seasons require extra hours occasionally | Expected to work 60+ hour weeks continuously with no compensation or recognition |
| Firm culture is competitive but professional | Culture encourages bullying, harassment, or unethical behavior |
| Your physical and mental health are generally good | You experience anxiety, depression, physical symptoms, or dread of going to work |
| Other paralegals and staff generally stay long-term | Unusually high turnover with paralegals frequently leaving after short tenures, particularly if multiple people cite similar concerns |
| You can sometimes leave work at work | You constantly worry about work, have nightmares, or can’t disconnect |
Red Flags That Require Immediate Action
Some behaviors cross the line into harassment or abuse. If you experience any of these, document everything and consider consulting with HR, an employment attorney, or your state’s bar association:
- Sexual harassment or inappropriate comments about your appearance
- Discrimination based on race, gender, age, religion, or disability
- Repeated or baseless threats to your job security used as manipulation or coercion, which may constitute illegal retaliation or constructive dismissal in some jurisdictions
- Withholding earned wages or refusing to pay overtime (paralegals are typically non-exempt employees under the Fair Labor Standards Act and must be paid overtime for hours over 40 per week)
- Physical intimidation or contact
- Pressure to do anything unethical or illegal
- Retaliation for reporting problems
Making the Stay or Leave Decision
Does a temperamental, disrespectful attorney mean you should head toward greener pastures? This depends on several factors.
Questions to Ask Yourself First
Before making any decisions, honestly assess:
- Am I taking it too personally? If stress is situation-specific (trial periods, major cases) rather than constant, you might need thicker skin.
- Have I tried to improve the situation? Have you communicated your concerns, adjusted your approach, or sought guidance from senior paralegals?
- Is the behavior directed at everyone or just me? If other paralegals seem to manage fine, there might be strategies you haven’t learned yet.
- What am I gaining from this position? An excellent experience, a competitive salary, valuable training, or connections might make tolerating the difficulty worthwhile in the short term.
- Is my health suffering? If you’re experiencing physical symptoms, anxiety, depression, or your personal relationships are suffering, it’s time to leave.
When to Stay and Build Resilience
Consider sticking it out if:
- The problematic behavior is stress-related, not abusive
- You’re gaining valuable experience in your desired paralegal specialization
- The firm has good training, mentorship, or advancement opportunities
- Compensation and benefits are strong
- You have a plan to move to a different department or practice area within 6-12 months
- Other aspects of the job (colleagues, cases, learning opportunities) outweigh the negatives
A good paralegal learns to accept stress and occasional temper tantrums as part of the culture in a busy law office. The goal is to develop thick skin and use that to your advantage to build confidence and show you’re all about getting the job done.
When It’s Time to Leave
In Angela’s case, after careful consideration, she decided to move on from the stressful litigation environment made worse by tough partners.
“You have first to ask yourself if you’re taking it too personally and if there are ways you can help ease the situation. If you feel you’ve done what you could and it’s not getting better, you have to move on.”
Consider leaving if:
- The behavior crosses into harassment, discrimination, or abuse
- Your mental or physical health is declining
- You’ve tried multiple strategies, and nothing improves
- The firm culture encourages or tolerates toxic behavior
- You’re being asked to do anything unethical or illegal
- There’s no path to transferring to a better team or department
- The stress outweighs any professional benefits
Less Stressful Paralegal Career Paths
Some paralegals change the trajectory of their careers by choosing practice areas known for being less stressful. However, stress levels can vary significantly based on firm size, client base, case complexity, and individual workplace culture. A large corporate firm’s intellectual property department may be just as demanding as a small litigation practice. Use this general guide as a starting point, but research specific employers and their reputations when making career decisions:
| Practice Area | Typical Stress Level | Stress Level Notes |
|---|---|---|
| Estate Planning | Low to Moderate | Predictable deadlines, less adversarial, client relationships are typically positive |
| Intellectual Property | Low to Moderate | Process-oriented work, clear procedures, less courtroom pressure |
| Real Estate | Moderate | Transactional focus, clear timelines, routine documentation |
| Corporate/Business | Moderate | In-house positions often have better work-life balance and predictable hours |
| Immigration | Moderate | Rewarding work helping people, often mission-driven organizations with supportive culture |
| Personal Injury Litigation | High | Trial pressures, tight deadlines, adversarial nature, emotionally charged cases, and high financial stakes for clients and firms |
| Family Law | High | Emotionally volatile client situations, contentious custody and divorce disputes, clients in crisis, and adversarial proceedings create sustained stress |
Firms specializing in estate law, intellectual property licensing, or corporate work can be much less stressful than those where battle-ready attorneys are constantly litigating personal injury cases or messy divorce settlements. For more information on different paralegal career paths, explore our guide to paralegal specializations.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I deal with a verbally abusive attorney?
If an attorney’s behavior crosses from stressful to abusive (personal insults, threats, profanity directed at you), document every incident with dates, times, witnesses, and what was said. Report it to HR or the managing partner. If the firm doesn’t address it, consult with an employment attorney about potential harassment claims. Your state’s paralegal association, such as NALA or NFPA, may also provide resources and guidance on handling workplace abuse.
Is it normal for attorneys to yell at paralegals?
Occasional raised voices during highly stressful situations (such as trial preparation) can occur in law firms, especially in high-pressure litigation environments. However, regular yelling, personal attacks, or verbal abuse is not acceptable professional behavior. There’s a difference between a stressed attorney being short-tempered and one who routinely demeans staff. If it’s the latter, that’s a toxic workplace, not everyday law firm stress.
Should I report attorney misconduct to the bar association?
Report attorney misconduct to your state bar if the attorney is engaging in illegal or unethical behavior that affects clients or the practice of law, such as misappropriating client funds, conflicts of interest, or pressuring you to falsify documents. Bar associations handle professional ethics violations related to client representation and the practice of law, not general employment disputes or workplace treatment issues. For workplace harassment or employment concerns, start with HR or firm management, and consult an employment attorney if the problems aren’t resolved internally.
What paralegal specializations are less stressful than litigation?
Estate planning, intellectual property, real estate, and corporate law are generally less stressful than litigation. These practice areas typically have more predictable schedules, less courtroom pressure, and fewer adversarial client situations. In-house corporate paralegal positions often offer the best work-life balance with predictable hours and less trial-related chaos. Consider exploring different paralegal specializations to find a practice area that better matches your stress tolerance and work style preferences.
How do I know when it’s time to leave a toxic law firm?
It’s time to leave when your physical or mental health suffers, you experience anxiety or dread about going to work, the behavior crosses into harassment or discrimination, or you’ve tried multiple strategies to improve the situation without success. Other red flags include high paralegal turnover, being asked to do unethical work, or finding that the toxic environment is damaging your personal relationships. Trust your instincts—if you’re questioning whether it’s harmful, it probably is.
Can I still have a successful paralegal career after leaving a difficult firm?
Absolutely. Many paralegals who leave toxic environments find much better situations at different firms or in alternative practice areas. The experience you gained, even in a challenging environment, is valuable and transferable. In fact, surviving a high-pressure litigation firm demonstrates resilience and skill that make you attractive to other employers. Focus on firms with stronger work cultures, consider in-house positions, or explore freelance paralegal opportunities for greater control over your work environment.
What are my rights as a paralegal facing workplace harassment?
You have the right to a workplace free from harassment and discrimination based on protected characteristics (race, gender, age, religion, disability, etc.). Federal laws like Title VII protect employees from hostile work environments, though these protections apply only to employers with 15 or more employees. State laws may provide additional protections and apply to smaller employers, so check your state’s fair employment laws. Document everything, and report harassment through your firm’s channels. If the firm doesn’t address it, you can file complaints with the EEOC (Equal Employment Opportunity Commission) or your state’s fair employment agency. Consider consulting an employment attorney to understand your specific rights and options in your jurisdiction.
Key Takeaways
- Challenging attorney behavior often stems from stress, pressure, and the high-stakes nature of legal work rather than personal attacks against you specifically.
- Building resilience requires not taking criticism personally, anticipating the attorney’s needs, staying calm during outbursts, and maintaining professional boundaries.
- Learn to recognize your attorney’s type (perfectionist, explosive, demanding) and adapt your communication strategies accordingly to minimize conflict.
- There’s a critical difference between everyday law firm stress and toxic workplace behavior—know the red flags of harassment, discrimination, or abuse that require immediate action.
- The stay-or-leave decision should balance career benefits against health impacts, with options including adapting to the environment, transferring to less stressful practice areas, or leaving for better opportunities.
- Less stressful paralegal career paths include estate planning, intellectual property, real estate, and corporate in-house positions, which typically offer better work-life balance than high-pressure litigation.
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